Monday, March 8, 2010

What I Want

Couldn't resist just another quick blog session, but instead of about what I'm up to, its to get out what I want. What my dreams are and where I want to be in the next few years. A dream within the mind is only a dream, a dream put out and written on paper is the first step to it becoming a reality. (ok, I realise that blog doesn't mean paper, but the writing it on paper is going to be happening a little later on). So.... What I want. I want to live somewhere where I can walk to the beach, at any time of year, and bathe, swim and feel the warmth of sun on skin. I want to have a nice comfortable home, not too big, not too small. Large enough to accomodate guests and a growing family, but not too large that it cannot be managed. I want to get a cleaner for my house at the moment, I'm spending time cleaning when I could be spending time doing things that I enjoy. I want to have children and more specifically than that, I would dearly love to have a son. I want to improve myself, I want to communicate better and become a better listener. I want to start acting like a leader rather than talking like one (funnily enough I've got a feeling that with that one, it will actually bring all of my other wants into line). I want to test myself, challenge my body and my mind, to push limits and step beyond the comfort zone. I want to get things done, I procrastinate a lot and so I will dream about doing something, but rarely take the first step into actually doing it. (I think that changing my procrastination will also have a significant effect on all the other tasks). I'm not saying I want to be impulsive or overly spontaneous, but that I want to be a doer rather than a dreamer. I guess the idea of this little spiel here is so that once these wants are out, I can no longer back away from them, that they become focus points.

For a little background moment, in the past I've wanted to buy and fix up a house, a van, grow and harvest food, open restaurants and bars, live way out in the sticks and be self sufficient and probably a number of others. Realistically I think yes while its important to dream, its also important, especially for me, to realise that I'm not quite cut out for some of these dreams at the moment.

Back to the wants. More than all of the others, I want to live a long and happy life. To do that I have to be healthy, (which I'll say right now doesn't mean I have to be boring). So, to achieve that I need to spend time on me, work out more often, and I need to drink less and stop smoking. I realise its a tall order, but I've been smoking for a long time now, and it really is time to call it a day on that one.

The current mission: today will be the last day that I smoke. Today will be a new beginning of freedom. I choose the path I follow and others can follow me if they want. Sheep - no thanks, tired of that. It is frustrating to have to follow someone or rely on something that is harmful. ok, time for a smoke and to really taste how bad it is.

Jet Setting

The movement of tide and wind is constantly at my back. I am moving with the desires of those I hold dear. From Halifax to Hawaii and then back again, and now from Halifax to Kitchener, Ontario. The city that we drove away from in June last year. The return has been unexpected but it feels good to be here. The sun outside is shining brightly and the temperature is on the rise. Its amazing what a difference a goodly amount of sunshine can do for the spirit.

The desicion to come here was a last minute choice, I had been thinking about it for almost a week, sitting on the fence, wanting to go, but also wanting to stay in the house in Dartmouth and enjoy some time to myself. Ultimately it was the idea of adventure that another flight would promise, the opportunity to spend time with my loved ones in another place far away from home. I am sitting here working away (of course it doesn't quite look like that), in a small coffee shop, fulfilling my responsibilities to the people I work with. Only three hours to go and then I can get out, get about and rediscover a little of Kitchener. Tomorrow the plan is to go for a long hike, take in some scenery and enjoy the freedom of being outside.

On Saturday we got up early, packed in a hurry and then caught the plane to Toronto, we have hired a car for the week as there will be quite a lot of driving and popping to and fro between cities. Saturday was an example of that. We drove from the airport to Guelph for lunch, then to Kitchener for supper, and then from Kitchener to Toronto to have a night out with a really good friend of mine who I've not seen since we left. The rum flowed smoothly, a hefty tasting session of some of the best rums in the world. From his house we ventured into Toronto, to a club where the drinks continued, the dancing began and smiles grew. I am not sure what time we returned to his house to crash on the floor, but I know that it was a good night, ended with a brief and clumsy jam session with me borrowing one of his guitars. I haven't played in a while, and it definitely showed.

Yesterday we were in Niagara, it was a fantastic day that started early with a drive from Toronto to Kitchener, and then from there to Guelph and from there to Niagara. We've been there a few times now, not just for the falls, but for Fallsview, the indoor water park. After only 30 minutes inside the colossal building, I felt like a teenager again, smiling from ear to ear after every tube, slide, and jaunt in the pools. Its a great place for a family and well worth dropping by. Water slides led their way to Tony Roma's for a seriously great meal.

I think that will be it for now. Its not easy to write at the moment and so I can't get into a nice flowing rhythm. I'm sure that there will be more later, when there is more time to sit and let the mind go.